I haven’t been blogging for months, simply for the reason that I didn’t felt like it.

Anyway, lately I’ve been having a split personality problem. One minute I feel like doing something, the next I change my mind. Big and small decisions alike. One day I can be starting on a ‘huge project’, the next day I start to feel insecure and think it’s a stupid idea.

I’m kinda lost right now. There are lots of things I want to do, but for some reason or another, I always manage to convince myself against doing something. Except for travelling. I seldom succeed at persuading myself against going on another trip, despite my less than secure financial status.

I have this thinking that now that I’m still young, I should move around more and see more of the world. Not wait until I am financially stable… at that stage I suppose I will be more concerned about starting and supporting a family.

Of course, people around me try their best to dissuade me, preferring that I save up. They are right in a way… It is certainly wise to start saving early for the future. I really don’t know who to listen to… I only know that it has been my long time wish to travel the world. In fact, if I strike the lottery tomorrow, the first thing I’m gonna do (after collecting the prize!) is to book my partner and I round-the-world air tickets.

I’m quite tired actually, despite being unemployed and just idling my days away. Probably a dream for many busy people out there, but I don’t like it. I’m tired of being idle. But I got no good ideas to work on presently. Even if I have, the negative side of my split personality will change my mind the next day. I’m living in denial. Just hoping for some good idea to drop of out the sky one day so that I can start working on something practical.

Or should I just give up on myself, and stop trying to think of new business ideas? Afterall, it’s already been 6 months or so and I haven’t got a single solid idea that I can carry through. And anyway I’m gonna go for my degree soon. Maybe I should just forget everything, go for further studies, graduate and get a normal job like everybody else. Forget all the stupid dreams and ambitions.

A good friend told me the other day that if I cannot learn to eat humble pie and live the life of a servant instead of a boss, I will never be able to move on. Now I’m confused. All along I think myself as a person with an entrepreneual spirit… and now somebody comes and tell me that it’s just me still pretending to be a king although I’ve already been dethroned.

This is all so frustrating for me. Sigh.