I’ve been reading the blogs of several young people in their 20s, all in the prime of their lives, who contracted terminal illnesses and eventually passed away.

I can imagine the pains of their families and friends. I can also imagine how it would be like if I was in their shoes, if I had been the one who was facing the end of the road at the prime of my life. At the time when most people are just beginning to make plans for their lives and careers.

This is a reminder that life can bring lots of unexpected cruelties to ourselves as well as people around us. We should cherish what good things life has given us, as well as our loved ones and friends… because you will never know when it’s time to say the last goodbye.

It has taken me a long time to appreciate that Life is not always about scoring As in exams, winning awards, getting the latest tech toys and earning lots of money. Those were all the things that mattered to me in the past. Even now, I still succumb to some of these weaknesses ever so often. But at least I am aware of them. It’s the process we go through that ultimately counts… and we can look back and tell ourselves that we have no regrets even if we don’t do well even though we have put in our best efforts.

With regards to my penchant for travelling, it is also partly due to my thinking that since life is so unpredictable, we must live it as we feel we should… before we lose the chance to. Of course, still must be within reasonable limit (i.e. budget-permitting, and not just spend every dollar on our passions). For example, I love good food and I started collecting precious stones some time back as a new hobby… but I’ve cut down on dining out and stopped buying new stones because I don’t have a stable income now.

… Ah… I can’t take it anymore. I. Must. Travel.

Call it escapism or whatever, I don’t really care. If there’s one thing that I have always wanted to do, it’s to travel the world. Now that I’m back to studies, it feels so terrible. Considering that in the past couple of years I travelled about half a dozen times every year… this year I’ve been terribly deprived.

Alright, actually this year I went BKK twice, China once, Genting once. Erm. I hope I can go somewhere this December, but need to find the budget for it this time.

I’m craving for some authentic thai food now… pad thai… tom yum goong… ahhh.

… plus some authentic vietnamese spring rolls… and the curry beef steak I had in vietnam… ooooooh….

Barely a while after I lamented on how ‘ordinary’ my life has become, I got chicken pox. Argh. For the past week I’ve been suffering the pox, and of all places, my face was most affected by it.

I’ve been at home all the time, trying to catch up with schoolwork and missing out on all the lectures and 2 mid-term tests. Terrible. Luckily, it’s the term break next week and I’ve got some time to catch up then.

Now, the main problem is, I’ve got a huge list of things that I can’t eat for the next month so as not to affect my recovery. Being such a glutton, it’s pure torture for me as I fantasise about all my favourite foods everyday. Sigh.

I’ve got so many places to go to but never seem to have time for them. Now with this chicken pox, it’s even worse.

I’m supposed to go for some field trips to various natural habitats… go for a day trip to JB… get a haircut… yea, things I keep putting off. And it’s been a long time since I last drop by PY’s neighbourhood to visit.

As school runs into it’s 5th week, I am still trying to get used to the new life. This is a time when my dreams are being placed on the back seat, while I go in pursuit of more practical and ordinary things. It’s a huge struggle for me, to try to convince myself that this is the route that I should take, just like anybody else.

I am worried that 3 years down the road, everything would be different. While in theory I can still continue to chase after my dreams and ambitions then, the question I fear to think about is - will I still have dreams and ambitions then? Or will I be drafted into a life of working, getting married, having children and dying… just like the average person on the street?

I am afraid that is going to be the outcome for me. That my dreams will leave me for good because I am forsaking them for 3 years, and I will never be able to get them back again.

Happiness is the inverse of the composite function of regret and fear.

I’m already trying my best, but it seems like I am still lagging far behind in my math. Each new topic seems more and more like a foreign language to me. Arrgh.

Then today, I went into the module website to take a look… and guess what, there was this cute little logo there

… "you can do it"

Uh… I hope so.