I took the road less traveled today by taking the Amtrak train from Montreal to NYC. I chose this mode of transport because having experienced the excellent service on Amtrak’s service between Vancouver and Seattle I thought it’d be just as good.

However, this time round the train kind of suck (poor ventilation, and less comfortable than the Vancouver one), and the food service was bad… while there were gourmet sandwiches on the Vancouver service, this one had just hot dogs and hamburgers… and there was no hot water for the entire ride, thus no coffee or tea.

Nevertheless, it was a very scenic route and I enjoyed it… pretty grueling ride at about 11 hrs though. Reached NYC at about 9pm, and headed out to get some dinner after checking in at the hostel… there are street side food vendors here, just like in Bangkok! But much cleaner of course… and I got myself some delicious, authentic tasting Indian food for just 5 bucks.

Article at http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/343445/1/.html

That’s quite sad, eh? Singaporeans actually have to look to the government to allocate them a ‘family day out’ so that they can spend more time with their family. I understand the premise is to ‘encourage’ Singaporeans to spend more time with family, however, I believe this is not addressing the root of the problem.

Who in this world don’t long for family connection? Even those with dysfunctional families often long for the day when they can have a happy, fulfilling family life. This is human nature. There must be some extenuating factors in order for a society to move away from the fundamental value of family cohesiveness… in Singapore’s case I suspect it is the bread and butter issue.

Many of my friends who have now been working for a couple of years feedback to me that they are required to work overtime to meet deadlines and the whims of their superiors… many of whom are in the civil/public service… but it is largely the same for private entities as well. I’ve never heard of any friend who works in a place where employees are encouraged to go home on time to spend time with their families. No, this is certainly not the Singaporean way. While I am sure there are companies with such policies, I do not believe this is anywhere near common. What we have are just superficial, unrealistic ‘initiatives’ set up by upper management and top government officials that try to simplify the problem into a simple 1 + 1 = 2 type… essentially looking to work on the tip of the iceberg without bothering about the root causes.

Look at it this way. Say today is Friday, a designated day to go home early to dine with one’s family - but the over-zealous superior of yours wants you to finish a particular report that she just assigned to you this morning before you knock off work… what can you do? Can you tell her, “Sorry, this is Friday and I’m going home early to have dinner with my wife and kids”?

Who gives a hoot about you and your family? Maybe top management and government officials, but there is no realistic blueprint on how to actually balance everything nicely - it’s a domino effect - Superior 1 rushes Superior 1.1 for the report to be submitted on Wednesday, who, wanting to impress the boss by handing it in before schedule, in turns rushes Superior 1.1.1 who believes that things should be done more ‘efficiently’ and thus sets a Friday evening deadline for poor you.

The problem with Singapore is that in our pursuit for efficiency and effectiveness in a meritocratic society, people feel compelled to give all they’ve got for their employers - whether they choose to do it (i.e. motivate themselves) or not (i.e. forced/pressurized by superiors). While this is not a bad thing to have, it certainly takes a toll on the employees’ private and family lives - some may argue that this should be a matter of inadequate work/life balance by the employees themselves, but I see the problem as a bigger one - the government and employers often seem more interested to squeeze whatever energy left in employees to make sure that they are ‘efficient’ and ‘effective’ and give the most bang for buck.

Overtime, even the best and most motivated worker can become disillusioned with it - when signs of wear and cracks in family and private lives start to show. Of course for everything there are exceptional cases - ‘model’ families who are able to stick together despite difficulties - but that’s a small minority.

We often hear friends complain about how in Singapore one person does the work of two because their employees want better efficiency. Nothing wrong with wanting to be efficient, but… with the means to achieve it - through exploiting employees to their last burst of energy and morale.

To obtain a long term solution, the government must first be able to accept that a paradigm shift is required in the society - to change the mindsets of people and organisations to look more at overall happiness in life rather than just material achievements. But perhaps, the government is already aware of this problem but is not keen to solve it for the aforementioned reasons (effectiveness, efficiency). Perhaps, it can even be hypothesized that this is the way the government wants Singapore to be, so that we can continue to be ‘first’ and ‘best’ in everything.

This then brings us to the problem of an overly competition driven society where people and organisations are encouraged to constantly compete with one another so that one can emerge as the ‘winner’ and the ‘first’, ‘best’ , whatever. The problems of a meritocracy.

In everything there are pros and cons, but are we better off embracing the pros of a meritocracy and bringing along with us the problems that we will eventually pass on to our future generations?

I was amused by the news about a consulting firm in Singapore launching a campaign to search for the happiest Singaporean.

The judging criteria is:

The “chosen one” will be judged on their smile, ability to bring happiness to others and how he or she remains positive. A strong sense of belonging and community is also a prerequisite.

Seriously, judging based on smiles is so superficial. You can have a hideous looking person who has a horrible, physical smile but can still be the happiest person in the world. And how can happiness be quantified anyway? It’s a really subjective issue.

This is nothing more than a marketing stunt… but really, it’ll be interesting and educating for many Singaporeans if they are able to find a genuinely happy person who doesn’t get his happiness from material comforts. I bet there are many people out there, but just that this is a trait seldom found in Singaporeans.

*** Edit: The organiser of this event has posted his response to my article, click on comments to read ***

I agree that bringing happiness to others and a strong sense of community are important – it highlights the fact that we need to move from a ‘me’ to ‘we’ paradigm to be able to attain happiness.

However, most Singaporeans are still not enlightened:

Some of the attributes cited by people Channel NewsAsia spoke to include “being successful”, “money”, “security and love”, and “family support and friends”.

That’s why it comes as no surprise that Singapore ranks pretty low on happiness as “a recent survey found that nine in 10 Singaporeans are stressed out”

As mentioned in my earlier post, my wish is to provide my future family with a good, happy life and future. I firmly believe that Singapore would not be able to provide a conducive environment for that to happen, because of the highly-competitive and highly-stressful lives we are compelled to live here.

We have the fastest walking speed in the world, one of the most open and competitive economies globally, our people are most well-known for being ‘kiasu’ and ‘kiasi’, we have a serious lack of free speech and a nanny government telling us (and other countries) what we should or should not do. We’ve got a fantastic wireless network that provides us with radiation permeating our brains across the whole island. ‘Fresh air’ from the ever increasing numbers of vehicles on the roads. Every minute as a Singaporean, we are sinning by contributing to global warming with our notoriously huge carbon footprints. And, I seriously believe one day our little sunny island state will sink into the ocean because we are getting grossly overcrowded with a target of 6+million population in a tiny 700+ square kms.

It is totally not my idea of a place to bring my children up in, to expose them to the cruelties of being a Singaporean - having to compete with other kids from a young age, having to live in a country over-crowded with immigrants who are treated just as well (if not better) than natives, having to serve compulsory national service for two years of his (if I have a son) precious youth…

Of course, critics will say that I can choose what kind of upbringing I want for my kids. However, I believe the environment plays the most important part, because once children grow up and begin to have their own thinking, they will likely be influenced by the environment and people around them. The only solutions is to change the environment, or move away from it. Since the former is not possible… immigration is the only way out.

It’s not as though Singapore has no redeeming qualities… we do have a stable economy, stable government and is a relatively safe place to live in. Very accessible and convenient, high standards of healthcare, education, good and cheap food… the list can go on. However, I’m sad to say that’s not good enough for me. It’s not that I have higher expectations, its just a mismatch of my values against the pragmatic Singaporean’s values.

I know it sounds ironic - people who know me think I’m a very pragmatic person. I would choose to do a systems development project according to components on the grading requirements sheet rather to do it according to my ideas of an ideal system. But that’s just because I begin with the end in mind - I know that here in NUS (or in the real working world even), nobody’s going to grade you for being adventurous and creative in developing a system - they grade according to how many percent of the components on the requirements specification you’ve done. I would choose to meet and exceed requirements rather than be led by my personal beliefs. Some people also like to think that I’m driven by money. Another example of pragmatism.

I’m pragmatic because I have to be, not because I aspire to be that way. I have to meet and exceed expectations to maintain my grades. I have to aim for a high income or some extent of wealth so that I can hopefully start a new, better life with my family while I’m still young enough. Although grades do not directly correlate to income, it does have an impact on it and employment prospects.

Deep down I’m a dreamer. I dream for a perfect life in the countryside just as movies, childhood stories and novels would potray it. I dream about the day when I can truly say that I’ve found happiness and contentment.

It’s a long-term goal for myself - to get out of this place. I’m not a quitter (as our ministers love to label) - it’s just that I don’t fit into the Singapore style and I don’t want to force myself to become another zombie - waking up each day, going to work, coming home dead beat and having nothing much to look forward to and at the same time contending with the fears of one day losing my job to a cheaper, more talented foreigner who the government embraces.

From a young age I knew I couldn’t fit in. My teacher in secondary school who taught me for a full four years and was able to recognise the type of person that I am before I was able to realise it myself… wrote in my testimonial - “… he likes to work at his own pace… “. Unfortunately this is also one thing that I know is misaligned with Singapore’s culture. I don’t mean that in another country I will be able to slack around on the job or work at a leisurely pace. What I mean is that Singapore is too fast paced for my liking. Too many changes, too quickly, too many deadlines to catch, too many expectations to meet. Sorry, I am but a normal human being - I need some time and space for myself and my family beyond the workplace and protecting the country (economically and military).

I hate it when I have to follow the stereotypical Singaporean’s ‘route to success’ - getting a degree, getting a job, getting married, buy a HDB flat, have kids, spend 30 years of my life paying for the flat that my estate will return to the government in another 70 years, work to my 70s and die. And then have my children following more or less the same cycle. It’s seriously screwed up.

So there. I’m planning to leave. One day. It will take time, but at least I know what I want and I now have the motivation to work towards it. I want to be a winemaker somewhere, or run a B&B or restaurant in a nice and scenic place where my kids can grow up with a truly happy childhood. Where I can enjoy beautiful sunrises, sunsets, nice walks in the gardens, plenty of quality time with my wife, and plenty of fresh air for everyone in the family. I might not be able to provide them with the best things in life or even the best education, but I know I can teach them to live their grown-up lives happily as I aspire to. If they wish to move to a more competitive place, I won’t stop them if that’s their nature.

So there. Screw it, Singapore. I’m leaving you one day. I’ll miss the food, but not you. We have Prima Taste Laksa, Mee Siam and other local food premixes exported all over the world now anyway, I’ll still get my fix of sambal chilli in some better place.

This week is pay the doctors week. Blown nearly $200 on doctor visits when I’m trying to save $ for my exchange in Canada. Could have been more if I hadn’t gone to the university health centre to get my asthma medication and saved on consultation charges. Spent another $75 getting an injection in my cheek for a keloid due to an acne scar that didn’t heal properly… and another $40 on the GP and antibiotics for an apparent ear infection making my left ear go ‘pop’ whenever I burp.

Darn, at this rate, I’m practically living to pay doctors. I should have aspired to become a doctor years ago when I was deciding what direction to take in life.

Anyway, I spoke to a long time friend yesterday who was kinda down because he felt nobody valued him and no matter how hard he tried, nobody ever takes him seriously (alright, I admit, including myself). I told him that it’s very easy to bring down one’s reputation and trustworthiness but takes much, much more effort to build back lost trust. In the past, he was the kind of person who didn’t take his studies seriously, dropped out of polytechnic halfway and was always the joker in every social group.

Unfortunately the label stuck with him throughout the years, even though he has made some efforts to change for the better. The problem with him was that he wasn’t really consistent in improving himself. He all along believed that it was because he was a lazy person. I told him nobody is born lazy and laziness is just the tip of the iceberg. There must be an underlying issue that results in his laziness and lack of drive. I thought about it and tried to analyse with him about what the root problem was. It turned out (I am quite sure) that the problem was because he had no real motivation in life.

He is currently single, but once had a girlfriend. At that time, everyone around him could see that he really tried very hard to become a new person and that he mostly succeeded. He lost weight, became more image conscious, health conscious and behaved more gentlemanly, unlike the crude and loud guy he used to be. However, after he broke up with the girl, he turned back to his old ways.

I introduced him to Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and he read it. He was able to understand the habits but however unable to apply them faithfully and consistently. That’s why although he believed he had tried to improve himself, others don’t think so. He then proceeded on to read Covey’s new book The 8th Habit. I advised him against it because I thought it wasn’t wise to read a more advanced topic when he haven’t even mastered the basics. It was like taking a short cut, like trying to learn how to fire a gun when one doesn’t even know how to operate it safely. Something originally meant to ensure safety becomes a dangerous tool in an inexperienced person’s hands.

So anyway, I told him based on what I knew about him, the problem was that he had no good motivation or purpose in life. All his time beyond work is spent on recreation - video games, social gatherings, etc. He doesn’t think far ahead enough, and his attempts in self-improvement were always ad-hoc and inconsistent, probably because he had no real, pertinent and long term goals to work towards. His goals were always short-term and material ones, like wanting to save up for a new phone or PS3, XBOX, etc.

The problem with having short-term, materialistic motivations is that such motivations are never pertinent enough and essentially don’t hold much meaning. I have experienced it before, in those days when I was only motivated by money and things that could be bought with money. The funny bit was, whenever I achieved a goal of say a certain amount of revenue, I would immediately set a higher revenue target. I was never truly satisified with what I got, because it is just so easy for the motivation to shift (to higher monetary levels). It was meaningless because while I believed that I could achieve happiness when I got a certain level of income and could afford to buy whatever I wanted, I slowly realised that I was as unhappy as when I was broke. It was so ironic.

I believe a real motivation is something on a higher, preferably spiritual level. It should be something that is long-term and pertinent, and as such is stronger. It should be something that cannot be measured in monetary terms, and cannot be quantified easily (otherwise it would be like what happened to me when I tried to race with myself to earn more money than ever). I believe money and material possessions will eventually come when one has found his true direction in life and works towards it with genuine passion and without focusing too much about material gains. Material gains are just by-products of successful living that will come naturally to those who deserve it by climbing up the correct ladders in life.

And regarding rebuilding trust in other people, I think it’s easy to lose someone’s trust but takes a lot more effort to rebuild it. It requires people to perceive a clear and consistent effort being made, and having a strong motivation in life would help in ensuring consistent effort.

For myself unfortunately, while I can preach well, I am still unable to find my own direction in life, like what I really want to do in terms of career. However I do at least have some long-term and less quantifiable motivations, such as wanting to migrate to somewhere better than Singapore one day and also to provide my loved ones with a good and happy life. This is enough reason and motivation to drive myself to study hard, work hard and reach for greater heights in the hope that one day I will be able to earn a reasonable income in a career that I like so that I can achieve my goals.

I believe that once a true motivation is made, everything else will fall into place. By keeping in mind one’s true motivation, one will work hard towards it. Although there are sometimes when one feels like giving up, if the motivation is strong, the strength to fight on will be there.

At this point I guess I am actually writing this more for myself than for my friend. I’m at a crossroad where I’m wavering and having second thoughts about my capabilities and feeling quite lost about what I should do. I know what I really want, but I guess I’ve put myself in all the wrong places. I am studying something that I will not want to make a career out of. I am studying for the sake of studying and keeping my grades high enough hopefully to graduate with awards. I don’t even know why I am doing all these, except that if I manage to pull these off I will be in a good position then to decide on further options. I hope I am doing the right thing. But with another 1.5 years minimum to go, it’ll be a real torturous time.

I don’t know whether it is Singapore culture or whether it works the same way elsewhere, but I’ve always been subject to price discrimination whenever I try to get some business as a freelancer.

When I first stepped out into providing freelance web design services, I was just in Sec 2. At that age, it’s quite understandable if clients discriminate against me and offer to pay peanuts. However, in recent years, whenever potential clients (I’m providing consultancy services now) come to know that I’m still studying, they would do the same, refusing to accept my quotations without a huge discount even though I know (and they know, too) that my prices are already lower than what they would get elsewhere.

Recently, a friend of mine approached me to get a quotation for the organisation that he was interning for. I promptly prepared one and sent to him. Weeks later, there was still no response. I felt it odd so I messaged him to ask him about what feedback his boss had. He told me that his boss felt “it was too much for a student”. S$1,700 for six weeks of work, too much for a university student who already has a poly diploma?

I feel quite insulted and demoralised, because in the first place I intended for this project to be something nice for my portfolio, so I in fact priced it lower than I would under normal circumstances. Thus, such a response really puts me off.

In the past, I would oblige with lower prices, but since the last couple of years, I refuse to budge from my position if I feel that I’m already giving a good price. I rather stick to my principle of not lowering the value of my work than price my services in such a manner that I would earn more as a sales assistant in some departmental store. I feel it is very basic business ethics to have respect for what a professional would charge for his services. For example, we don’t just go to the doctor’s, dentist’s or lawyer’s and bargain for discounts, right?

I wonder whether the boss would have felt it was a high price if she doesn’t know that I’m a student?

My father earned a living as a taxi driver after he quit his hawker business many years ago. Back then when I was in my lower secondary school days, for some reason I was embarrassed of the fact that my dad was a taxi driver.

Now, thinking back, it was rather foolish and silly. Perhaps it was because at that age, our peers tended to compare family backgrounds and there were school bullies who would taunt their classmates whose parents had unglamorous jobs. I remember there was this guy who was taunted just because his father worked a a security guard in a neighbouring shopping mall.

As I grew up, I realised that it does not matter what my parents do for a living, as long as they are legal and decent jobs. In fact, we should respect and be proud of our parents for working so hard to bring us up… otherwise we will not be where we are today.

I am particularly proud of my father who managed to send all three of his children through tertiary education (although I only entered Uni after he left us) by working hard and strict upbringing. Compared to well-off folks who won´t even need to bat an eyelid at sending their children to overseas colleges, I feel it is no mean feat.

He was thrifty, to the extent of not wanting to see a doctor whenever he was unwell. Consequently, it was too late when he finally went to the doctor´s.

That´s why now I tell my mom not to bother about working for a living anymore. Life is only so short, it´s about time she should start enjoying herself… since her children are now able to support themselves and give her allowance. We shouldn´t let history repeat itself and only start to regret when it´s too late.

Who knows, when it´s our turn to become parents… one day we might have to work in ¨unglamorous¨ jobs to provide for our children too. Maybe we will also get disrespect from them then (although I hope I will be able to teach my kids well). Only then will we fully appreciate the pains of being parents.

I realised that I’m the kind of person who frequently says something of a foolish nature out of anger or unhappiness and then regrets it almost immediately. This has gotten me into trouble before, and I reckon that if I don’t stop this habit, one day I will really get myself into some serious situations.
I always tell myself not to do it ever again, to think through things properly before shooting my trap or typing emails, but old habits die hard and when I realise my follies it is almost always too late.

Some time ago I had an encounter with a rather important and well-respected person. I observed the way he spoke, and noted that he would usually talk in bursts of speech… often stopping halfway to think and contemplate, then continue talking slowly. I think this is a good habit especially since what comes out of him is usually srunticised by many people and the media. It helps to prevent costly mistakes and embarrassing situations when corrective actions is needed.

My mother has been frequenting a religious centre where she takes religious lessons and attends prayer sessions. She spends a considerable amount of time there. There are 2 other regular attendees who take the lessons with her. For some reason, my mom tells me that they have been giving her the cold shoulder lately.

My mom spent lots of time thinking about whether she had offended them unknowingly and what are the reasons they were treating her this way. She firmly believes that they look down on her because she is not rich like them.

She regularly tells me about how left out and unhappy she feels, and I always tell her not to bother with them. If other people looks down on her for superficial issues like (lack of) wealth, then they are not learning from their religious lessons. There is no need to feel unhappy about that, because it only reflects badly on them.

Today, I told my mom that instead of feeling unhappy and bear grudges against them for being unkind to her, she should start being kind to them. I told her, everytime they frown at her, return them a smile. Everytime they walk in or leaves, smile and greet them, wish them a nice day.

I believe that if my mom do all these, in time to come, they will finally realise how unkind they have been and will change for the better. Either that or other people who frequent the centre will realise how petty they are (if my mom greets them and they ignore her).

We should thank our enemies or people who treat us unkindly and return them with kindness. We should thank these people for giving us opportunities to reflect on our thinking and behavior, as well as the opportunities to practice forgiveness, benevolence and kindness. This way, we will feel happier (it’s always better to have less enemies, right?), and we can help others realise their mistakes and improve themselves. Through this process, we will also become better people.

This is never easy to do. In fact, I have problems achieving this myself. I hope my mom can pull it off and give everybody a chance to become better people.