It’s the morning of Day 3 of my mission towards achieving formlessness.
Yesterday night was an interesting night for me. It was full of 3 emotions – anger, disgust and happiness.
Anger because the organisation’s performance appraisal system is shit – it does not form the basis for promotions. The promotions list was announced yesterday and there were so many people who got promoted consecutively 3 years in a row! Yet I scored almost full marks for performance appraisal but got nothing. I am angry because I am a firm believer in meritocracy and being rewarded for my performance, and I believe that if the organisation values my work it would reward me.
Disgust because some people who don’t seem to deserve promotions got them anyway. While others who deserve them got nothing.
Happiness because this only seals the envelope for me – I have made up my mind to leave this place in search of my true calling and, possibly, to create for myself a business with values that I subscribe to.
For many months I have been resisting the urge to leave, because I love the things I do in my job. I have passion for all the projects I am currently working on and projects that are coming up. Each day I am still thinking of more ways to do my work better and new ideas. It’s unfortunate that the politics, culture and reward system here is quite different from what I am looking for, but I haven’t really found an excuse to leave.
Now I have. Because before the new year I resolved to leave if I don’t get a promotion and decent payrise. I was hired as a junior employee replacing a department consisting of 2 relatively senior persons who left the organisation, and I dare say I have done a better job than the 2 of them combined. But I get no recognition for that. Why should I care to stay in an organisation that doesn’t care for me?
My passions and my skillsets are still mine, and I can work on them anywhere else. Why not work in another place where I would find more happiness and compatibility in terms of values?
If you are also facing a dilemma in your career – you love your job but you hate the shithole you are working in… and you are still wondering whether it’s time to move on from your current job or not, here’s a tip: Give yourself a criteria to meet – e.g., promotion/payrise/training/etc. Once you hit the criteria for leaving, don’t think anymore. Just go. In the meantime, always be prepared and look out for new opportunities. You may just find the right opportunity for you by just keeping a lookout and an open mind.
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