Never never think in the way that, it’s okay for me to do more and earn the same or less and the other partner does less work and gets the same or even more profit in return. That is going to bite you in the long run. Humans are self serving in general and being the nice guy all the time is quite stupid. Once the people who do business with you learns about your kind nature, they will more likely than not take advantage of you and you will find yourself greatly disadvantaged over time.

Getting taken advantage of once in a while is fine, but don’t let it become chronic. You stand to lose out big time while your business partners laugh all the way to the bank.

Always safeguard your own interests and make sure that your partners are doing what they are supposed to for the share of profit they are entitled to. You don’t owe them anything.

Related posts (auto generated):

1. When the going gets slow
2. Bootstrapping my startup

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I choose to use lull time to meet and talk to people, think about new opportunities and gaps in the market where I can add value and build my business.

Sitting around complaining and despairing at how unfair the world is, how tough the going is, etc is not going to bring in more business. It would only make things worse, trust me.

Spend your energy instead clearing any piled up errands and tasks you have been procrastinating on before, tidy up your workspace and leave some time for initiatives which would help build some pipeline of opportunities down the road.

Related posts (auto generated):

1. On my own
2. Bootstrapping my startup

Bootstrap startup founders fund their businesses entirely by themselves through building a business while being employed, or like myself, providing consulting services and pumping the revenue earned back into the business.

It’s not something that anyone can do. Many people who are not equipped with skills and knowledge to build a product themselves would need to turn to their ability to write beautiful business plans and sell their ideas to raise capital in order to build a team which is able to build products.

Through selling ideas and getting funded, entrepreneurs take some of the financial risk off themselves and gain access to rich experiences and networks of their financiers… Definitely a very attractive proposition.

However, call me old fashioned or stupid, I personally prefer to bootstrap. I’m a free spirit and I don’t like the accountabilities and pressure of being responsible for someone else’s money.

I prefer to take my own calculated risks, do what I want and move the business in whichever direction I think is best. I don’t like to have investors breathe down my neck or constantly looking over my shoulder telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing.

It’s definitely true that for startups like mine where I have little savings and resources other than my own intellect and a pair of hands, it’s tough and I’ll even say that everyday I wonder about how long I can survive this way… But at the end of the day, if I do succeed, the satisfaction is all mine. If I should fail I owe nobody any apology, explanation or money.

It’s also interesting to read that most founders of bootstrap startups don’t fail but instead choose to give up after some time of struggling to make things work.

Which makes it all the more interesting because when you are in full control of your business and your own fate, if your initial idea doesn’t work out you can always change track and do something else. There is no need to give up and create a failed startup. In other words,it’s hard to fail when you bootstrap because it’s only about how you decide to succeed . The startup only fails when you decide to give up.

In contrast when you start up with other people’s money, you have an early taste of success through successfully selling your ideas and getting funded, but the downside is you remain accountable to your investors and you can fail if and just because you don’t meet their expectations. And I always think that if someone gives me money to start a business, I wouldn’t be as careful with it as I would be with my own hard earned cash. It’s basic human psychology.

End of the day I’m not having an easy time bootstrapping my way through but I don’t think those people with funded startups are having it any easier because of their obligations to their financiers. It’s just a matter of which approach one is more comfortable with, and I’m all for bootstrapping… No regrets.

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1. On my own

Leaving full-time employment has been the best decision I ever made in my life, even though I do worry about where my paycheck for next month will come from.

Starting up hasn’t been easy – I was blessed because I managed to sign on a couple of key customers right from the beginning without which I would not be able to survive so far.

However, as with all businesses, it’s always hard to say when those loyal customers will move on to use other service providers. So, the key in surviving is to build a sustainable pipeline of business/revenue.

I enjoy every single day of life as an entrepreneur – being able to make decisions for myself, enjoying the fruits of my own labour, and making plans for the future. Worries and anxieties are a part of it, but who says you don’t get worried or anxious or stressed in full-time employment where employees are almost always dispensable.

Meeting other entrepreneurs along the way, I am humbled – I currently run 2 businesses and find myself tired out – but I just met someone who runs 4 businesses and continues to think of ideas to do more. I have a lot to learn and grow and do, and very little time.

Hopefully I’ll continue to find some time along the way to record my thoughts and feelings down in this blog which serves as memory lane for myself, and maybe for my kids and loved ones in future.

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Today I want to talk about something that has been bothering me for a while.

Have you ever had the experience of not being able to make up your mind about whether to pursue your dreams?

I have been experiencing this intensely recently. Within a short period of time, I can shuttle from one extreme view about pursuing my dreams to another extreme. I can go to bed one day having made up my mind about quitting as soon as I can, and then wake up the next morning thinking that was the stupidest idea in the world and then starting to plan how I should establish security in my current job and work towards a promotion and payrise.

It’s quite irritating. I just can’t make up my mind, and I don’t know why. So this morning I decided to sit down, think through my own behaviour, and try to find a reason for why I am behaving in this manner.

I think I am behaving like this because, I really WANT BADLY to pursue my dreams of starting up and running my own business, but at the same time, 1) I have too much attachment to what I currently have or stand to get and risk giving up if I leave my job, and 2) I fear the unknown/unchartered waters I will need to navigate if I am to start up on my own.

So I went on to list specific fears I have and to address them one by one:

1. Being too attached to what I currently have or stand to gain if I stay in my job:

• Inadvertently even if I try to tell myself that I am young, I got little to lose, etc, the appeal of the safety and comfort of chartered waters is better than that of risk taking in unchartered waters.
• Actually not so. Because even in an existing job, one doesn’t know what may come up – a new boss may come, organisation changes, etc. It’s pretty much unchartered waters as well, only difference is there is more financial security
• In terms of money, if I do freelance work, I can easily earn the same amount as what I am getting now by just getting 2 or 3 clients. I earn everything the business makes.
• I may stand to gain more experience and chance for promotion if I stay on for a while more.
• And then what next? The same excuse can be used over and over to keep ourselves down and in this constant vicious cycle of not realising one’s own dreams because there is always unfinished business here.
• Experience can be gained through starting up as well – doing/failing/succeeding – every step of the way there is something to be learnt – gaining experience is more about attitude towards learning rather than about place.
• Also, who says that this is the best place to gain experience? For all I know I may be learning the wrong practices, etc. If I don’t go elsewhere I am forever in this place where I am constantly made to believe we are the best around when we are not, simply because I haven’t had the chance to see better.
• With regards to promotion, it does not matter anymore when running my own business. Unless I am going to get another job. And in this case since there is already some news there is no harm sticking around for a while more while getting things prepared on the side for starting a business.

2. Fear of the unknown

• I fear if I were to start up at this time without having gained more years of experience, I would not succeed
• This is a valid concern, but it really depends on individuals.
• Countless people have started up their businesses without prior working experience and they are doing very well. Why can’t I do it?
• I started my own online business many years ago and did rather well. That was before I had any form of formal full-time employment. Why can’t I do it again?
• If there are any areas or things in which I am not familiar or experienced in, I can ask around for help. We tend to underestimate how willing other people would extend a helping hand – our brains are wired by default to believe that people will not help. Reality is that, if you ask properly and sincerely, people are more often than not happy to help, but the only thing is that you got to ask. If you don’t ask, nobody would know you need help.
• It’s impossible for one person to be good in everything. Even if I have more years of working experience, I’d probably be well versed in more things but still not everything. This is where getting the right people in the team is important.
• Either get a partner who complements me and makes up for my weaknesses and vice-versa, or hire A team players in the area where I lack expertise.
• To do this I need to know my strengths and weaknesses, and I already know my strengths from doing the StrengthsFinder 2.0 test, and my weaknesses from my own knowledge and what others see in me. So I’m well equipped in this area.
• Few people succeed on the first try. If the first try doesn’t work, change the approach and try again until it works – its all about trial and error and tweaking until we get it right, same as software development. Best of all, the number of times you fail, means the number of times you learn something, and all the learnings added up equates to rich experience required to build a sustainable, long-term business!
• Also, there is no need quit a job to start a business. Start experimenting on the side with freelance work first. There are already some potential jobs waiting to be done, do them first.

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I realised that many people in the department seem unhappy with what they are getting.

Myself, going by benchmarks I should be getting paid 50% more than what I am getting now. And based on performance appraisal I ought to be getting a promotion. But I got a paltry 4% increment and less than a month bonus. What crap.

The people in power always say things like “Perception is Reality”. I now know what it means. It means that their subjective perception of individual employees result in reality of $$$. Regardless of how my boss appraised me, the $ I get is based on what the people in power want to give, and not what I deserve to get based on my job performance, scope and KPIs I hit.

I resisted a strong urge to tell those “people in power” exactly what I feel about them directly, but I nevertheless succumbed to bitching about it to my boss (who is also of the opinion that this place is quite a shithole), and a co-worker.

I am now contemplating whether to hold a crucial conversation to ask for more, or to just get out of this shithole as soon as I can. The way I see the increment and bonus, it’s almost an insult to the good work I’ve done over the past year.

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Yesterday night was an interesting night for me. It was full of 3 emotions – anger, disgust and happiness.

Anger because the organisation’s performance appraisal system is shit – it does not form the basis for promotions. The promotions list was announced yesterday and there were so many people who got promoted consecutively 3 years in a row! Yet I scored almost full marks for performance appraisal but got nothing. I am angry because I am a firm believer in meritocracy and being rewarded for my performance, and I believe that if the organisation values my work it would reward me.

Disgust because some people who don’t seem to deserve promotions got them anyway. While others who deserve them got nothing.

Happiness because this only seals the envelope for me – I have made up my mind to leave this place in search of my true calling and, possibly, to create for myself a business with values that I subscribe to.

For many months I have been resisting the urge to leave, because I love the things I do in my job. I have passion for all the projects I am currently working on and projects that are coming up. Each day I am still thinking of more ways to do my work better and new ideas. It’s unfortunate that the politics, culture and reward system here is quite different from what I am looking for, but I haven’t really found an excuse to leave.

Now I have. Because before the new year I resolved to leave if I don’t get a promotion and decent payrise. I was hired as a junior employee replacing a department consisting of 2 relatively senior persons who left the organisation, and I dare say I have done a better job than the 2 of them combined. But I get no recognition for that. Why should I care to stay in an organisation that doesn’t care for me?

My passions and my skillsets are still mine, and I can work on them anywhere else. Why not work in another place where I would find more happiness and compatibility in terms of values?

If you are also facing a dilemma in your career – you love your job but you hate the shithole you are working in… and you are still wondering whether it’s time to move on from your current job or not, here’s a tip: Give yourself a criteria to meet – e.g., promotion/payrise/training/etc. Once you hit the criteria for leaving, don’t think anymore. Just go. In the meantime, always be prepared and look out for new opportunities. You may just find the right opportunity for you by just keeping a lookout and an open mind.

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Day 1 has been quite a struggle to constantly remind myself at every step not to take anything from anyone personally at all.

I find that making myself as busy as possible helps a lot, as it takes away time and space to think about anything else.

However I constantly have to deal with a nagging urge to get angry/upset at people and stuff… there is just this part of me boiling inside that wants to be let out. It’s quite a bit of struggle to resist the temptation to start IM-ing people and start bitching.

I ended Day 1 with bitching a little to a colleague. It was definitely a bad move ending Day 1 of my mission to achieve formlessness on a negative note.

Day 2 began with me feeling grouchy from not having slept well. Today I kept my face straight and so far at midday I’m doing relatively well, being emotionless and 100% no nonsense on the outside. Still the boil inside me continues. I think I will need to do a fair bit of self-talk to iron out the imbalances within myself.

2.5 years in this place and for the longest time I believed that in the workplace there can be “friends before work”. Now I learn for sure that it’s everyone for his own cause and there is no bullshit such as “friends before work”. It’s all about incentives and benefits of being friends. Don’t believe in the lie when someone tells you he regards you as a friend not just a colleague, it’s a lie for sure. Don’t wait until something happens and you find out that this friend is not really a true friend… it’d be too late by then.

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These days, I’ve been trying to train myself in the art of formlessness – not taking anything personally at all.

This is a weakness in myself that I have been very much aware of – I take things personally all the time, and I use passion in my craft and pride in my work as some of my excuses.

Regardless of whether my excuses are real reasons or not, heck, it doesn’t matter. All I know is that taking things personally has hurt me emotionally and mentally, and all the reacting, anger, sadness, etc has caused much anguish and disruption in my life. I am very very tired from working in a pretty screwed up environment – politics, discrimination, and biasedness is rampant here and I need to grow immune to these. This is Darwin’s law – survival of the fittest – only organisms that are able to adapt to ever changing environments and not react negatively can survive in the long run and not become extinct.

So as my sole major New Year Resolution for 2012, I am setting myself the goal of Achieving Formlessness – being able to show no emotion in any situation, being able to stand strong and level-headed in the face of the strongest opponents and criticisms.

It’s painful to force myself not to be angry, upset, disappointed, etc in people and things especially since that’s the way I’ve been operating for the longest time, but I think the outcome would make me a stronger person and give me the strength to achieve greater heights in whatever I do.

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